


all these little boxes

by Brennanamuffin



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (Not on each other though), Cheating, Light Angst, M/M, sorry yamaguchi baby im so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-15 06:48:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16928481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brennanamuffin/pseuds/Brennanamuffin
Summary: Tsukishima Kei was very good at avoiding thinking about his problems. It was a defense mechanism, and one he had learned a long time ago, to compartmentalize them into little boxes and push them into a quiet corner. It’s not that he really thought ignoring them would make them go away, but rather that if he didn’t think about the problem, didn’t care about it, then it couldn’t hurt him.Like his crush on Yamaguchi Tadashi. Or the fact that Yamaguchi was seeing someone else.OR:one of these days, Tsukki is gonna stub his toe on all those boxes.





	all these little boxes

            Tsukishima Kei was _very_ good at avoiding thinking about his problems. It was a defense mechanism, and one he had learned a long time ago, to compartmentalize them into little boxes and push them into a quiet corner. It’s not that he really thought ignoring them would make them go away, but rather that if he didn’t think about the problem, didn’t _care_ about it, then it couldn’t hurt him.

            Like his crush on Yamaguchi Tadashi. Or the fact that Yamaguchi was seeing someone else.

            He purposefully sidestepped thinking about the way Yamaguchi tucked his hair behind his ears when he was focusing in class (History, usually) and twiddled his pencil when not (English), toeing around it like a puddle in the road; he thought instead about a new band he had discovered, and maybe Yamaguchi would like them. He studiously avoided reminiscing on their discussions during study hall, or the surprising amount of shade Yamaguchi could throw during their repartee, remembering instead a tip his brother had given him on dealing with difficult spikers and making a note to try it out later. He set aside the bitter idea that Yamaguchi’s girlfriend from another class had no way of witnessing those little moments that made him so endearing, and focused instead on the sweeter prospect of razzing the Freak Duo during practice today, just to blow off a little steam.

            He very carefully did _not_ think about how, at the end of the day, Tadashi’s smile was for someone else and Tsukishima was Just A Friend.

            He didn’t think about it, so it didn’t hurt.

            Therefore, he was fine when their homeroom teacher asked the two of them to go to the copy room to make duplicates of some handouts before club activities. Walking down the hall side by side, so close they could have held hands, was not a problem, because he Didn’t Think About It.

            He didn’t think about how that silly cowlick of Yamaguchi’s was sticking up again _or_ about how cute it looked, because they were chatting about the Classic Lit lecture today (boring. It was always boring) Like Friends Do. He didn’t allow the thought to occur to him that they would probably be alone in the copy room, because Yamaguchi had just shown off some master-level sass and Tsukishima was about to deliver the comeback of the century as he opened the copy room door.

            His careful train of Not Thinking About It, however, was completely derailed when he turned into the room behind Yamaguchi and saw the scene that had stopped him short with his back ramrod straight.

            That was definitely Yamaguchi’s girlfriend in the copy room.

            And that was definitely _not_ Yamaguchi who she was sucking face with.

            For a long moment, they both stood in blank shock, surveying the scene unnoticed.

            Yamaguchi threw his head back with a sudden laugh like a bark, making Tsukishima jump half out of his skin and damn near scaring the _piss_ out of the two figures in the room, cackling as they scrambled apart guiltily and turned to see the two intruders. Yamaguchi kept laughing, leaning his back against the doorframe. Tsukishima watched him with mounting concern as the girl recognized her own boyfriend.

            “Yamaguchi?”

            Still snickering, he half turned to them.

            “Oh, don’t mind us! We didn’t mean to intrude. Please, you two carry on.” He paused to chuckle behind his fist. “Silly mistake, this. Isn’t it funny, Tsukki?” He glanced over his shoulder at him, and Tsukishima twitched in mild alarm- he had seen Yamaguchi’s fighting face before, during their verbal duels and when giving Hinata or Kageyama a hard time, but that had been innocent, friendly banter. This look called for _war._ “Oh, you’re not laughing? Well, I think it’s _hilarious_.” He broke into another peal of giggles as Tsukishima furrowed his brow in concern. Nothing about the scene in front of him seemed funny.

            “Please, _do_ forgive us, I hope I haven’t killed the mood,” Yamaguchi turned his back to the room to leave, still chuckling and speaking halfway over his shoulder. “You two have fun, now.”

            “Wait-” the erstwhile girlfriend finally broke out of her stupefication, trying to object.

            “I hope he’s worth it.” Yamaguchi cut across her, leveling her a grin so deadly flat she visibly flinched.

            Yamaguchi’s mirth returned as he took a step back into the hall. “Have a nice life.” he chirped, closing the door with finality and walking away, “Let’s go, Tsukki,” he grinned over his shoulder. Tsukishima recognized them then, the smiles and the venom the way he used them together; a shield and spear, the old one-two.

            They were Yamaguchi’s defense.

            How could he help but recognize it? It was his second-favorite tactic: ‘Offense is the best defense’.  When your problems won’t let you ignore them, put up your fists and start swinging. Close your eyes and hope someone backs down before anyone gets too hurt.

            So this is what it looked like from the other side.

            Lost for what else to do, he followed Yamaguchi.

            He was still giggling when Tsukishima caught up to him

            “Yamaguchi…”

            “Aah, that was good,” Yamaguchi chuckled, not hearing him. “How ridiculous. Oh, but I forgot…” He finally stopped walking, finally staring at the papers clutched in his hand. “We were supposed to copy these.” Tsukishima watched as his almost manic giggles and energy fell away, piece by piece, leaving him standing and staring at the papers in his hand, the ghost of a smile still tugging at his lips. “What to do…” he hummed absently. Somehow he seemed smaller, deflated, his head- he had just started carrying it higher- bent forward, his shoulders drooping under their own weight.  He wouldn’t look up from the damn papers.

            And it hit Tsukishima all at once: a reel of all Tsukishima’s Not Thoughts began spinning through his mind like a movie on fast forward, gaining speed as it went, insuppressible now under the weight of his heart breaking from seeing Yamaguchi so damnably _lost_ , all over that bitch-

            _That bitch._

            _Ah._ There was the anger he had been sidestepping for so long, the bitterness and resentment he had held on reserve, all right there, waiting for him to let himself feel it, the injustice of having to stand by while that airhead failed to appreciate the gift Yamaguchi had graced her with, just by existing and choosing her.

            He breathed out, flaring his nostrils. Set the anger carefully aside in a Not Thinking Box- there would be plenty of time for it later.

            He leaned forward instead, gently taking the handout from Yamaguchi’s hand.

            “I’ll take care of it.”

            Yamaguchi looked up, returning to himself.

            And instantly sighed, looking almost bored.

            “Don’t start anything, Tsukki,” he warned.” Tsukishima looked up at him in surprise- he must have noticed the extra prickles. He met Tsukishima’s inquiring eyes with a steady gaze. “It’s not worth the trouble of picking a fight. Besides,” he pasted on a smile, “I’m fine.”

            Tsukishima’s heart gave a painful squeeze, looking at that forced grin. Into the Not Thinking Box with it. He dropped his eyes instead to neatening the edges of the stack.

            “They probably won’t have hung around anyway,” he intoned, all dispassion. Comfortable, familiar, dispassion. Neat. Orderly. “But I won’t say anything,” He promised, though he didn’t want to.

            “Okay.” Yamaguchi relaxed just a little, some of the forced edge falling off of his smile. He fidgeted slightly, wondering what to do.

            Tsukishima huffed. “I’m thirsty all of a sudden. Buy me a drink; I’ll meet you by the vending machines when this is done.” He held up the papers, then turned back toward the copy room.

            Despite his prediction and promise not to fight, he was disappointed to find it empty.

 

~~

 

            He found Yamaguchi again a few minutes later sitting next to the vending machine, staring into space with an empty carton hanging by the straw from his pursed lips. At his approach Yamaguchi wordlessly held up a second drink box without shifting his gaze; Tsukishima took it, noting fondly that Yamaguchi remembered his favorite.

            Wordlessly, he plopped down next to Yamaguchi, punched the straw through the little tab, and took a long drink, joining him in staring at the wall.

            “You can laugh, you know.” Yamaguchi said, almost to no one in particular.

            Tsukishima flicked his gaze over to him, amber eyes carefully impassive, before flicking them back to the wall.

            “And why would I do that?  
            Yamaguchi shrugged, blank-faced. They could have been discussing the weather.

            “I got cheated on. You saw. Idunno, something about it’s just… so pathetic that it’s kind of funny.” He blinked once, then shrugged again and slurped at his box, even though it was empty. “I mean, it’s not like I really thought we were gonna be together forever or anything, but that was-“ his voice hitched, he stopped short. Closed his eyes. Took a deep breath.  “I was blindsided, is all. I didn’t expect forever, but I didn’t expect _that_ either.” He brought his knees up to cross his arms across them, resting his chin on his arms. His eyes stayed closed as if to shut out reality. “That’s why I—why it’s pathetic.” He flashed a self-deprecating smile.

            Tsukishima put down his drink carton. Yamaguchi winced, caught.

            “Yamaguchi. Look at me.”

            Reluctantly, he opened his eyes and turned his head, still nestled on his arms, to meet Tsukishima’s level gaze.

            “The only thing pathetic about that scene was her.” He enunciated each word clearly, so there was no chance of being misunderstood. “Not you. Just that worthless sack of shit that hasn’t learned to appreciate the good she’s got. But not you. Never, never you.” He would say it until he was blue in the face if it would take that defeated look off of Yamaguchi’s. “Yamaguchi, you are smart enough, you are good enough, and god damn it you are handsome enough, and I will personally destroy anyone who says otherwise.” He had to consciously stop himself from brushing a stray lock of hair out of Yamaguchi’s eyes, from cradling his cheeks in his hands and kissing every available inch of his face until he just smiled like always, anything. Tsukishima’s kingdom for one laugh.

            But that wasn’t what Yamaguchi needed right now.

            He needed a friend, and Tsukishima knew how to do that.

            He boxed away his feelings, and kept his hands where they were.

            “They will regret being born. I will drag them to hell and back and some other places too. Their tombstones shall read ‘dared to test Tsukishima Kei’s wrath; mistakes were made.’” He laid it on thick, salting it up until finally, Yamaguchi smiled, then laughed, and oh it was like blesséd rain after a long drought. Tsukishima could have cried with relief if he’d let himself think of it.

            Yamaguchi leaned against him, catching him off guard. It wasn’t quite a hug, but somehow it conveyed what it needed to.

            “Thanks, Tsukki.”

            Tsukishima knew he was going to have a hell of a time Not Thinking about this in the future, probably until he died. But at least Yamaguchi was smiling again.

 

_~~fin._

**Author's Note:**

> I'M SORRY, I PROMISE THE NEXT TSUKKIYAMA THING I WRITE IS JUST GONNA BE FLUFFY AND HAPPY AND NOBODY WILL EVER BE SAD AGAIN  
> you can yell at me [on tumblr](https://literal-trashbaby.tumblr.com/) if you need to. it's okay, i want to yell at me too


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